I've only just become a member of your august company after having been
turned on to the Sharpe's series by the manager of my local video
emporium who, I suspect, feared that I would soon wear out their copies
of the "Hornblower" mini-series if something wasn't done soon.
I'd
never heard of the author of the Sharpe books, and I wasn't that much
taken with the first episode until the end of the second episode, when
it all began to make sense to me. Now, like many of you, I'm
hopelessly
hooked on the story and find myself coming back to it again and again.
I had a glance at this group's message archive and noticed that there
has been a couple of efforts made in the past to tally up votes on
things like "Best Episode," "Best Villian" and the like, but I find
that
what keeps me coming back to the series are the subtleties: those small
moments that you look forward to everytime you watch a particular
episode and have you hitting the rewind button time and time again
so
you can watch them over. But how to give out awards for such
things? I
think the best way is to just invent your own categories--the more
ridiculously narrow and specific the better--and have at it.
I hope the
list below will provide some slight bit of amusement to those of you
who
read it, and that you will forgive my presumption at inflicting my
own
tastes on you at such great length and my occasional misquotes and
misspellings (I've yet to memorize every episode, word for word).
Most
of all, I hope it will encourage you to reflect upon and perhaps share
those moments in the videos series that you find particularly memorable,
for whatever reason.
Your Humble & Obedient Servant,
Best Sudden Emotional Outburst by Sharpe: (REGIMENT)
Best Advice: (EAGLES)
Best Sneeze: tie (EAGLES)
Hogan: (winking at Col. Lawford) "No sir."
Wellesley: "Your a damned liar Hogan."
Hogan: "That's what you pay me for, sir...AAACHOO."
(WATERLOO)
Best Eulogy: (EAGLES)
Best Reflection on the Institution of Marriage: (Damned if I can
remember the episode, but its right at the end)
Best Medical Diagnosis: (EAGLES)
Hogan: "Watching a flogging causes the buildup of huge stores of
combustible gasses in the internal organs. Combustible gasses
in the
internal organs can act like a charge of blasting powder. Speaking
as
an engineer, Sir Henry, I think it would be best if you were to be
bled
again."
Best Informal Act of Contrition: (SWORD)
Best Attempt to Convince a Superior Officer that One is Not Drunk:
(COMPANY)
Price: "Invariably, sir...I seem to catch the wind more than most...on
account of my natural willowiness."
Best Subtle Plot Twist That I'm Certain I'm the Only One to Have
Yet
Discerned: (COMPANY)
Best Deliberate Grammatical Error Designed to Exhibit Aristocratic
Superiority: (REGIMENT)
Best Order to "Fire!" (ENEMY)
Runner Up: (REGIMENT)
Best Example of Conspicuous Cowardice: (EAGLES)
Runner up: (WATERLOO)
Best Attempt to Discern God's Will: (SWORD)
Harper: "Why can't I stay with him. I'm his sergeant...and
his
friend."
Fr. Curtis: "Have a look at that poor, scared young girl Patrick.
If
you were God, and you looked down tonight, mightn't you take pity."
Best Attempt to Remain Civil in the Face of Insurmountable Obstacles:
(SWORD)
Colonel Cochrane: "No, Sharpe, you'll stay right here. Best
behavior,
everyone. Try and pretend the pretentious little puke didn't
lose the
King's colours."
Scene Most Likely to Hopelessly Suck the Viewer into the Video Series,
Resulting in Huge Future Expenditures on Video Rentals and Late
Fees:
(EAGLES)
Best Application of the Principle of Distributive Justice: (REVENGE)
Sharpe: "You do."
Gen. Calvet: "Why, because I am a General?"
Sharpe: "No, because I bloody hate cheese."
Most Astute Musicological Analysis: (WATERLOO)
Worst Attempt to Mimick Shakespeare: (WATERLOO)
Least Convincing Attempt to Bridge the Class Divide: (REGIMENT)
Sharpe: "Yes Sir."
The Prince of Wales: "And you may call me...well, call me Your
Royal
Highness, but the honour is mine entirely, Dick."
Best Harper quote: Best out of series reference
Reprinted with kind permission of the author
ear Fellow Sharpe's Fans,
Sharpe: "I am Major Richard Sharpe-until three days ago Private Vaughn.
Outside parading your men is Sergeant-Major Harper, an Irishman who
you
hunted through the marshes. And there, on your chacobench, is
the eagle
(suddenly whacks Col. Girdwood's hat off his desktop with a riding
crop;
Sharpe continues through clenched teeth) that he captured from the
French--with me--on that bloody day."
Hogan (to Simmerson): "Take my advice, Sir Henry, and a pistol,
and go
behind that tent and blow out what's left of your brains."
Wellesley: "Did I ever tell you about the time Major Lennox steadied
the line at Assaye?"
The scene where Harper is explaining why everyone lies about seeing
Bonaparte, takes a big pinch of snuff, and promptly sneezes all over
Sharpe's terrific looking duster.
Sharpe (standing over the body of the just deceased Major Lennox)
"At a
place called Assaye, I saw a whole army ready to run. Then an
officer
took a step toward his front, and steadied the line. That's him,
Major
Lennox, 78th Highlanders."
Harper: "Why do women have to go and make such a big fuss about
getting
married...I mean, why can't they just do it themselves and tell us
about
it afterwards."
Simmerson: "I always finds that watching a flogging brings on a spleen;
don't you agree, Major Hogan?"
Father Curtis: (after slicing Sir Henry up following his sneering,
sadistic proposition to "Lass") "Forgive me God, but I wish it had
lasted longer."
Col Wyndham: (to Lt. Price) "You sway, sir!"
Sharpe pleads with Wellington to be given command of the "Forlorn Hopes"
regiment prior to the storming of the fortress at Badajoz, citing as
his
major reason his desire to be first inside the fort in order to protect
Theresa and Antonia from the ravages suffered by Spanish civilians
in
Casa Antigua following the succesfull capture of that fortress.
Wellington replies gruffly, without even looking up from his writing
desk "No, I will not countenance it." In the next scene, every
man in
the South Essex is being warned (undoubtedly following Wellington's
order) that raping, pillaging etc. of the citizens of Badajoz will
be
punishable by execution on the spot, suggesting Wellington's growing
attachment to and admiration for Sharpe.
Lady Comoyne: "I have two (ledger's containing evidence of Lord
Fenner's scandalous misconduct) for sale, and for Lord Fenner the price
is going to strike devilish expensive."
Major Frederickson's extended, earsplitting bellow to his rifle division
(after that estimable gentleman has removed his horsehair wig, his
makeshift dentures, and his eyepatch) as the deserters open the gate
and
attempt to flee their fortress.
Sharpe leading the Prince of Wales' Own Volunteers through their paces
before the aforementioned gentleman and an assembled crowd of various
and sundry fops, followed by his cry "Fire!" (more abbreviated and
controlled, yet equal in volume and only slightly less menacing than
Capt. Frederickson's award-winning shout described above) and a huge
musket volley that--being the genuine article rather than some stylized
portrayal of what happens in battle--seems to scare the hell out of
everyone in the crowd.
Sir Henry: (sighting a French Column about two miles distant through
his
telescope) "Good God, South Essex, fall back!"
Lord Rossendale wetting his britches as Sharpe prepares to plunge a
sabre into his neck.
Fr. Curtis: (looking at "Lass" standing next to Sharpe, who is on the
verge of death following the night attack on the fort at Villafranca)
"Take my advice, Patrick, and let HER stay with him tonight."
Sharpe: (as Simmerson approaches on horseback from Villafranca) "May
I
be excused sir?"
The music stops as the scene changes to the landscape surrounding Major
Lennox's grave. Sharpe approaches bearing the Imperial Eagle
requested
by the late Major, and drives it into the ground where the latter lies
buried. Harper orders a Rifles salute, and the Chosen Men of
the 95th,
followed by Sharpe, walk slowly away as we hear the sublime strains
of
John Tams singing "Over the Hills and Far Away." If this scene
doesn't
cause your hair to stand on end and a lump to rise in your throat,
even
after having seen it 20 times before, check your pulse: there's a good
chance your dead.
Gen. Calvet: "So, who gets the biggest piece of cheese?"
Harper: "During all the years I've been fightin' the French, I've
come
to hate that shite music they play, so I have."
Jane Sharpe (to Lord Rossendale): "Kill him on that gory field, where
one body more or less matters little, with sword, shot, or under the
hooves of your magnificent charger which you ride so well. How
I ache
to be...it. Do it"
The Prince of Wales: "May I call you Dick."
"The Irish don't need luck, sir, we just need the English off our backs."
(After Sharpe wishes him luck as he sends Harper off to do a bit of the dangerous, dirty work the English are always getting their subject Celts up to.) - Gary
Boromir picks up the shards of Narsil in Rivendell, cuts his finger and
exclaims "Still Sharpe". - DaveF